By popular demand [meaning AJ], here is my romance parody. Disclaimer: You may recognize some of this from other places... to which I say--too bad.
On a rainy night in rural Fresno, two figures huddled by the fireside, drawing in the warmth from the flames. The light danced across the couple’s faces as they looked into each other’s eyes. Two glasses of wine sat on the table next to them, shining with a brilliant sparkle.
“You know I can’t stay, Soutchay. Someone might find out about us.” Adam picked up his coat and began to leave.
“Just stay for another hour. He doesn’t get off work until nine. We have plenty of time,” Soutchay pleaded. “Oh come, my darling. I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”
Adam paused and considered this last statement. Enticed, he put his coat back down and settled on the couch once more. The couple looked into each other’s eyes.
“Have I ever told you that you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen?” Soutchay said seductively. “I would subject myself to the worst of tortures, the cruelest of afflictions, the most dreadful of agonies if I could but gaze into your eyes for eternity. O King of my heart, you liberate me! The sound of your voice is a beauteous symphony that plays to the beat of my heart. With each passing minute of each passing hour, I dream of the touch of your soft skin upon mine. With you in my life, I never want to sleep again because reality is better than a dream. How I love you so!”
“And I you,” Adam replied. “I fear I may never solve the equation of your stunning features. I remember the very day you professed your love to me; I was so happy that you decided to integrate our lives together. I’m on high frequency whenever I’m with you—lots of energy and constantly recurring peaks. Peaks of joy, that is. You must have a low specific heat capacity, because you’re always looking so hot. I don’t know how massive you are, but you’ve got a gravitational force that just attracts me like nothing else I’ve ever felt. Now that I’ve transferred my electrons to you, nothing will ever break the bond between us.”
“Speaking of which,” Soutchay began, “what will I tell him about the baby? What will he do when he finds out it’s not his?”
“He won’t find out,” Adam said reassuringly.
“I think he might notice when he sees his babies are half white!”
Adam tossed his head back and cackled. “Do not fret, my butterfly. Like I said, he cannot muster enough joules to break our ionic bond. We are inseparable, my sweet rose.” Soutchay blushed and their lips joined in an enduring kiss.
At that moment, the door opened, and Gordon stepped into the room, dripping wet with rain. He looked up, shocked at the scene.
“What is going on here?!”