I swore never to write things down when I'm feeling bad, sad, mad, or glad ... well, glad is probably okay, but it rhymed--how could you not include it?? Point being, since I think everyone held a meeting today (to which I was not invited) and decided not to go online tonight, there's nobody here to which to talk.* There was nothing left to do but to pay the ol' blog another visit. But avast, ye mateys! It had been down for reevaluation. Turns out, it can keep its job, it will just receive a reduction in pay. Even so, I couldn't just go writing things with just a JPEG of a kangaroo to work with. A trip to the ol' photo shop did the trick. A few swipes of the leaf brush (my regards to the hue, count, and size jitter) fixed her right up. I was ready for action.
It's a funny thing -- at that point, I didn't feel like I really needed to jot down my thoughts anymore. Conundrum... Do I continue? Was the renovation and restoration all for nothing? I answer: no!
One of the most dangerous things for me is idleness. I feel myself wasting away, unable to do anything productive. Yes, it may be because the temperature difference between the inside and the outside of my house is small. But I feel that I should be able to do something other than spend my time sitting around, doing nothing.
And when you've got nothing to do, you think. A lot. Which is why I don't blog at college--because I don't have time to have thoughts of my own. I thought a lot this break. Many times I have wondered if I am truly a good person, or if my motives are selfish in the sense that saying I care about others makes me feel better about myself. I still felt some subconscious kind of attachment to an old friend ... and it took this long to realize it. But after I reflect on what I did, I can't say I deserve to have any opinion about the circumstances. Wanting someone to be happy and saying you want someone to be happy ... which am I doing?
Now I'm afraid I'm getting close to AY in order to get over EY. THIS is what I mean by don't be stupid, Connie. If only they weren't homophones!
I can say in retrospect that this year started out fine and then just got worse and worse. How can I stop being selfish? I would make it my New Year's resolution, but why set a goal you know you will fail? For now, I'll solve the problems at hand (brrr!!) by going to bed and leave the harder problems for another day. As for my New Year's resolution ... I'm going to try to meet new people more. I have little more chance of success with this resolution than the last one, but it's something.
Oh, one more thing. Why do more suicides occur during the holiday season than any other time during the year? (not sure if my information is reliable, but I seem to remember hearing it somewhere) Everyone else is happy. You're lonely. The problem with loneliness is that you walk around thinking you're the only one suffering from it. Why not get rid of the holiday season then? After all, wouldn't the world be much better off if everyone was in the holiday spirit all year round? Just as with sensory adaptation and the law of diminishing marginal utility, the holiday spirit will lose its meaning if continued all year round. This is obviously obvious (and I do mean that) but it's just what I've been thinking about lately. So I do commend the holiday season for bringing together loved ones and making people treat each other better for a couple weeks, even if it is at the cost of the minority who, for one reason or another, does not share in the holiday spirit.
Okay. Seriously, good night.
*Ending sentences with prepositions: not such a bad thing.